Finding My Voice

I love to sing. 
So, so, so much. Music can take you on a journey - it's so freeing. It's kind of like painting - I can get lost in it. I hate driving long distances but the best part about my 30 minute commute to work is jammin' out at the top of my lungs.

I was in choir all through elementary school and junior high.... then for some reason - singing in a choir just fell off my list of activities... for no particular reason, other than I was doing other things. I still loved music and had always had knack for learning the lyrics to every song on the radio. A couple of my friends parents growing up even called me "Singing Natalie"
I used to blare the stereo after school with my best friend and jam out to Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and Micheal Jackson. Singing our favorites on repeat for hours.

I wish I would have stuck with it.
I have felt this tug on my heart to sing again... for over a year.

At the church I go to they have a team that sings up in front... I've kind of thought wouldn't it be awesome if I was good enough to sing with them?

I have been out of practice for so long though... 
It's scary and a long shot!
What will my family and friends think?
Now all the sudden I want to sing? 
Do I really want to make that commitment?
How do I even approach that? 
What if I'm not good enough?
Do I love it enough?
These questions have been swimming around in my head for over a year, paralyzing me.
It was way too out of my comfort zone to start singing again.

One day my wedding photographer who I had no idea was a singer - posted this video on his website about how he found the courage to sing again after he had  given it up. He actually released an album! He encouraged everyone to GO DO THAT SCARY THING that we've been thinking about...just have the COURAGE TO GO FOR IT!

Oddly enough mine "scary thing" was singing too...

Now... don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to release an album any time soon.
I just want to sing.

As soon as the video ended I reached into my purse and found the little piece of paper I had grabbed at church the week before. It said
"Would you like to join the Music team at Journey? Contact.... so and so."
So I emailed "so and so" and set an appointment to meet him and talk to him about singing at my church.

He just started his position at my church and is the lead singer in the band at the alternative service. It's a laid back kind of service geared towards a more nontraditional approach.

When I went to meet him to talk about the possibility of singing somewhere (maybe at the nontraditional service) at my church, I quickly blurted out... "I'm not very good... I haven't done this in so long... I'm not ready to just join, I need to practice."

"Let's Jam" he said, as he pulls out his guitar...

OMG.

REALLY?

My voice was quivering.
I was was so nervous.
What am I doing?! 
(I thought)

I went and "Jammed out" with a total stranger at my church.
Seriously!
It's not skydiving but I was soooooooooooo nervous!!

After doing it... I kind of felt like

DAMN.

I did it.

Sounds simple, sounds like no big deal.

But it was a leap of courage for me.

I'm not sure where I'll go with this adventure but I'm on my way to finding my voice.
And it feels pretty awesome.

So just like my Wedding Photographer... I want to encourage you.

Go get em'.

This life is so short.

If not now... then when?!

You are never too old to start doing anything!

Who knows what's next for me? Dance, Guitar?

I won't limit myself. I won't be defined by what I think I can or can't do.
And you shouldn't either.

ROCK IT,
Nat

 

Making time for YOUR passion!

You know all those things you wish you could have time for?
Those things you used to do?
Always wanted to do....
You know all that list of things you will do when you have the money?
When your kids grow up?
When you get your dream job?
When you finally finish your house?
When your sister gets better...

OMG!
Just flippin do it!
YOU DESERVE the time for your passions and your dream list. You do.
I have to tell you this because I have a feeling your like me... and life gets crazy, work, family, kids, pets, to-do lists, house projects.

Two simple reasons to take the time....
1. You were born to do it!
2. It will light YOU UP... and light up everything else in your life.
 
It's been four weeks since I picked up my paint brush...
I've had nothing to do with my camera...
And it hurts.
I'm so excited that my big deadlines are over and my work schedule will sort of go back to normal.
I feel like my creative spirit came surging back today!
I gave myself some breathing air.
The weight lifted.
I felt something bubbling up inside me.
Nervous and scared to paint...
I headed up to my art room. 
To a canvas I thought was ugly (cause it was.. kinda in the awkward teenager stage)
and it just 
came alive...
Tears were there... mystery and beauty overflowed and fear melted away.
There it was...I am overwhelmed with happiness!

YOU 
CAN 
DO IT!

Making time for your passions is not easy.
But once you do it.. it gets easier the next time. And you remember how amazing it feels. How it can change all areas of your life.

Make time for dreams or time will disappear and your dreams will fade away.

Blooming in Layers

Here is the one of my recent paintings showing all the layers. What an amazing process I am going through. Of letting go, of finding ME in my work. I felt a little vulnerable, on the edge of something great. A journey of my true expression, breaking free from what I think the work should be, just letting it all flow from inside me. 

I met with an old friend yesterday and she said "Isn't it great to be an artist?" And I can't help but think of that now as I compiled all these images together to see the progression.

It's exciting and freeing.

I am trusting myself, and following my intuition.

Where ever the brush takes me, I say yes.

YES!

I look at this last photo I took of my painting, and I'm in love. How can I describe it? I remember the first time I just painted "freely." Damn, it felt good. It flowed from the oceans inside me. I was in high school (10 years ago) I created a piece for a special boyfriend. What was on the canvas was my heart, I told him. It was my expression of my love. It was a poem in color. My deepest feelings expressed through the texture, strokes, shapes and rainbow of color.

This idea of me being all over the canvas still rings true now.
 
Today I look at this painting I created, and I feel so overwhelmed with joy and happiness, it brings me to tears. I feel like my true, raw - heart, soul and spirit is here for you see. It's me.

This is the forest of my heart.

Letting go of expectations I have for myself, fears of what others will think is right where I am, and right where I want to be.


xoxo
Nat

Throwing paint and learning to LET GO!

I am creating a new me, birthing the artist that has been there inside me my entire life.
I was born this way.
I am painting from the spirit, from the body, and it feels so good.

I don't have to critique myself or think about what the end result will be.
Let is go - and trust your intuition as Flora suggests...

WHAT A CONCEPT! =)

I'm not really the type to methodically plan out what I'm going to paint...although lately and for a longest time I have always had visions, and dreams of completed paintings. I usually just start applying paint and see where it takes me...

I feel like I am truly blooming... I've discovered a new process through the Bloom True E-course. The process of layering and painting without thinking and just trusting myself, is transformational.

Trusting Natalie.

Trusting that what is inside me is perfect.... is really so perfect. 

No standing back and wondering, thinking, or analyzing.
No thinking about the finished piece. The final product.
As artists we can easily get stuck in this fear, the fear that stops us.
Dead in our tracks.
What will it look like? (Finishined product fear!) What if I'm not in the mood?
What if I suck at painting today? What if people judge my style of painting?
What will the people think of it?

I was just really so exhausted the other tonight. I worked and then came home and cleaned for couple of hours. I walked the dog, and then exhausted, I thought I don't have time to paint. It was past 10pm (my bedtime)...I was exhausted and had a big day on Saturday (leaving town at 9am)!

I marched upstairs and got some painting clothes on.

I got in there (My studio... OMG?! I freakin' have an art studio?! How cool is that?!)
Hello gratitude.
I just let go and threw paint... without stopping.

GO. GO. GO.

Release. F L O W.

It all onto the canvas.

GO. GO. GO.

Released.

I clean all the brushes and climb into bed to blog, and write it down. 
I had to express the amazing-ness and tell you how good it feels to...

just let go.

I didn't even really closely look at the paintings when I was done (what a concept!)

I felt liberated.

I felt like I'd been set F R E E.

Have you ever created something and it brought you so much joy you cried?
I'm there. And it's awesome!

It's not even WHAT I created that brought me so much joy - it was the process.

Let go.
And really experience the process, without thinking about the finished product.
Don't stop.


What you need to create is already inside you,
Much Much Love,
Nat

Face Your Fears

I'm growing.
I'm facing my fears.
It's been so hard for me to be tough, to be real, to stand up for myself.
In college I had a good friend who gave me a rock that said Face Your Fears.
My biggest challenge.
How can it be so hard to stand up for ourselves? To have strength and courage.
I've learned that sometimes doing the hardest thing, is really the best thing.
That sometimes our biggest trials, our biggest losses are the ones that REALLY change us, help us grow and teach us the most!
There is joy and relief and happiness in my heart as I face my fears lately.
I encourage you to face your fears whatever they may be.
What do we have to loose? 
Stop and REALLY think about that question.
Don't judge yourself, or let anyone else's opinions or judgements affect your choices.
You can face your fears! And the joy and rush you feel when you've faced that fear... AMAZING!

Story TIME!
A couple of years ago my husband I were driving up the North Shore, we got to the Temperance River. We got out to hike around. The huge rocks that have formed the landscape near Lake Superior are amazing! The rivers and streams that reside along the lake are so beautiful, they cut the large boulders and rock forming beautiful cliffs.

My husband is the guy jumping off the boulders and cliffs. Yea. He's Army, he's strong, he tough, and so freakin' brave! Me - nope, not happening. NEVER.
I think we balance each other. He pushes me, and I hold him back when he needs it. (even though he probably doesn't like it) After hiking around for awhile we decided to swim,(hubby talked me into it) it was late afternoon and the water was cold. We met some girls from the area who were going to swim up the river and it's rapids into this rock cave where a big waterfall poured into this huge hole, that had formed from the beating of the falls. They invited me and hubby. I was terrified.
I can't.
I won't.
I hate swimming.
I'm not brave.
It's too scary!
These amazing girls talked me into it.
I resisted... telling them "I can't, I'm not a strong enough swimmer!"
Yes you can they chanted! "We'll hold your hand, we've done this so many times... we're from the area! We know where all the big rocks are and we can make a chain link to help pull you up and over the rapids if you're not strong enough." I was freaked. They kept calling to me "Come on, really you can do it, we'll help you!!!" My husband the thrill seeker was ecstatic that these girls were urging me on! His eyes just lite up and he was ready! He getting in on the encouragement too. 
He didn't think I was going to go for the idea.
Somehow I think the word "Fine" came out of me?!
I was scared shit less!
The anxiety was so overwhelming, it felt like an out of body experience. I couldn't believe it was happening. I wasn't a strong enough swimmer. BUT together the four of them got me up the rapids and into the rock cave where we all stood under the powerful waterfall. My legs were jello. How did I get there? The noise was so loud - even while shouting we could barely hear each other. I did it, I couldn't believe it.
I faced my fears. I was alive... and I did it! 
We carefully and strategically got back down and out into the calm lake-like pool at the bottom of the river where we started. When my feet finally reached the earth, just sheer joy and excitement! We were freezing and I was shivering. I don't think we even had a towel! I was amped, excited, blissed out beyond words. When we got back to the car, we turned the heat on and my body finally relaxed.
I gushed with hunny about what I had just done! Could he believe it? I couldn't!


Within minutes I was out, out like light.


The rush of adrenaline had taken everything out of me.


Everything.


And, for me (probably not for most people) this was a major fear to face!
What's your biggest, scariest fear? Maybe you don't even know really what it is that your afraid of. That's okay.
When you feel that resist, you feel that fear, the No, No, No - you can't, won't, couldn't shouldn't... TRY IT.
Take a risk. Even if you hate risks.
Look inside you, and prove to yourself that you can do it!
I'm working on being brave, and as scary as it is...
It's changing me and I'm growing.
And it's good.