Saturday, August 27, 2011

On life and losing

Yesterday I got news of on old high school friend who died. 

It's heartbreaking. 

I feel just so numb. 

In shock. 

My friend's name was Lisa. We were so young, we worried about boyfriends and how we looked. We wanted to be in the high school talent show. Neither one of us had ever been to formal dance classes but we danced in our living rooms and bedrooms. We loved Christina Aguilera, and her moves. We had moves (or so we thought!) We would go to her house after school and blare the boom box and practice our song and dance.... over and over. We had so much fun. Lisa was also a talented artist. We spent many hours together in the art room at our high school, painting, drawing and talking. Lisa was really passionate about art, I remember how detailed she would paint. She had a lot more precision then I did, my style was little more loose. We were both madly in love with our high school boyfriends... we went on a double date to the "The Taste of Minnesota" watched fireworks, laughed and had so much fun. It's like a snapshot in my mind I will never forget. She was a girl who knew what she wanted. I remember when she got a tattoo in high school... I thought that was pretty cool. She had blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes, a heart of gold and killer smile to go with it.
I was so happy to reconnect with her on facebook when I hadn't seen her in years. She was married to a marine... living in Hawaii but going to come back to Minnesota! I couldn't believe it! We exchanged a couple of messages. Not to long ago I had messaged her saying it would be fun to get together with her and our other girlfriend to do art, like we did back in the day. We never worked out a time to make it happen. 
I wonder why it never worked out, or why we didn't make it happen. I wanted to connect with her.
I'm sending love, light and prayers for her husband, baby son Wesley and family as they go through this difficult time. 
I am reminded today that life is fragile.
And so very special.
We need to hold tight to those we love.
Tell them we love them.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Be thankful.
Loosing things can crack you open. 
Losing a friend, loosing a job, loosing a game when your are a kid. We learn lessons... from loss... we find and grow. 
I was thinking "Why did we have to loose her..."
Really maybe now she "Is found!"
I don't even know if that makes sense, but it sorta does to me.
I hope she is in the light, home, and at peace.
She was loved.
She will be missed.

This morning while taking my walk with bud... we came across a beautiful red and orange leaf. I looked around... only green grass and a willow tree about 20 feet away. None of the leaves have really changed yet. It was laying there perfectly in the dew... like it had been planted there for me to see today.

I was thinking about Lisa... praying she was at peace and happy now, with God. I saw that leaf as symbol from angels from great spirit, from her, from God. It's okay. The leaf had lived and thrived, now it's thriving green days had come to an end. The great circle of life. I don't understand why but I'm not focusing on that. Sending my love up to heaven today.
Love you Lisa!

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